Category Archives: Rants

Have you ever slept with a man thinking of his best friend? Well if you have, this is for you. I want you hoes to live better and be greater. There is no reason why you are smashing an entire squad/record label/gang to get next to a specific man. First of all, we need to determine whether the man you want is the ringleader. If he’s the Wrigley Bros. aka HNIC, you may have to go through a few crew members to get to him. But if you play your cards right, you won’t have to give up the goods to acquire your goal.

Keep in mind once you’ve smashed the first two homies or more, your pussy starts depreciating. So if you are looking to get at the ringleader, you want to make sure you are smashing the key players. You don’t want to have sex with the bouncer or the one that goes to get his cheesecake. You want to do his best friend’s best friend. Now, if your game is topnotch like my own you won’t have to even give up the goods to get to your desired location.

That being said, I want every crew loving hoe to look in the mirror and embrace yourself. Understand and respect that you fucked a couple of your man’s close friends to get where you are. Your head game could be the best in the land and your sex could be divine, but you have to accept yourself for what you are: a hand-me-down hoe. Or hand-me-up. Whichever helps you sleep at night. I say that because loving the entire crew is nothing to be proud of. Yes, it’s cool to be happy that you bamboozled the chief, but how you got there is sad.

Since when was it okay to be a hoe? The generation that I was raised in surely didn’t applaud it. Respect it? Yes. I can do nothing but respect a person that follows their dreams by any means necessary, even if it does involve you swallowing a hundred men’s semen. I salute Amber Rose. She’s one bad ass woman. And that hoe is winning on so many levels. I saw the ring. Congratulations, Wiz! You are a sucker. Amber won.

Look. I’m not condoning or judging anyone that lives that life. All I want is for you not to take such pride in being EVERYONE on tour bus’ hoe. That’s all. Enjoy your time you get to spend with the HNIC. Eventually, it will end and you’ll get half.

I am so tired of being sick and tired of listening to men complain about their crazy girlfriend, stalker, babymama, etc. My homeboys are always whining about some psycho pussy they fell up in. At some point before you slid up in the pussy, there was a sign or clue that the girl you were dealing with has the potential to be psychotic. All of her hamsters are mysteriously dying every week. Dead, small animals in her garbage can are definitely a hint. I’m starting to believe men are attracted to the craziness. “All the insane bitches so passionate” (Passive Agres-Her, Eleven One Eleven).  That mess is far from cute, especially when you are trying to date someone else. Now, not only do I have to manage our relationship, I have to deal with the sick chick stalking your Facebook page and my Twitter timeline. Yes, I admit some men can cause women to act a plum dumb fool, but some of these women were psycho before you even exchanged numbers. All I desire is for my young men to be a little more selective of who they’re raw-dogging. You could be the perfect man but a grown woman is not going to deal with unnecessary drama with your past psychotic lover(s). I know for a fact I’m not.

Now, that I think about it. None of my past lovers have ever stepped to someone I was dealing with simply because they know better. A person will only do what you allow them to do. If every time your ex slashes your tires and puts a potato in your tailpipe you give her the best makeup sex of her life, she will continue to do sick shit. At first, you think it’s cute. But messing with women like that is nothing but bad news. I know my Richmond, Va family are familiar with the case where the chick stabbed, shot, and burned down a pregnant chick in her home over a man. I met this chick in real life in jail. I cannot stress how pertinent it is for the men of today to leave these sick hoes alone, especially if you are not trying to put a ring on it. Keep messing with those types of females and end up in the James river face down. And I can’t swim. I’m only looking out for everyone’s best interest. Think with the right head is the best advice I can give these niggas.

Sincerely Yours,

DopePussMosby

All these damned songs about calling your significant other at four and five am baffles me. My man better be in the bed snoring or beating this pussy at that time of the morning. Seriously, who is staying up that late waiting on their supposed love to return home from the club? Shit. Even if he is a rapper, he better be dropping a mixtape or single soon after. If he’s working  a nine to five there is no excuse. You need your rest to get this money for rent. If you’re in these streets selling illegal drugs, a real nigga is gonna pause long enough to lay down a little loving. Or at least check in. That’s if he really cares. Melanie Fiona fine ass running a bubble bath with rose petals after letting her significant other head out to the club with his boys. T-Pain and Wiz are walking up in the crib at five in the morning expecting some willing ass. I don’t know what kind of life you’re living. But I’m not about that life. I’m not staying up calling no man that late at night. No sir. Not me. I’ll be sleep and I don’t give a damn how good the alibi is. I will be like Halle Berry in Boomerang. Love should’ve brought your ass home last night. Not this damn morning. I understand people go out and party from time to time, and life is unexpected. But it’s not that difficult to send a courtesy text or voicemail letting someone know your ass is alive and well. Even if you are about to lie up in some other pussy, at least have the decency to call/text and say “Baby, I ain’t gonna make it home tonight”. If you’re constantly waking up at four or five in the morning because your significant other is just crawling they’re stanking asses in the bed, you might want to re-evaluate just how important you are in their life. I understand every now and again. But not more than two times in a week. I still adore Melanie Fiona’s 4am. Shouts out to Rico Love.

If you are searching your house for an empty condom wrapper for reassurance while an eviction notice is taped to your door, this one is for you. You have a man in between your legs and in your crib whenever he pleases, but when you need a little extra money for bills he can’t be found. That ain’t right. Someone once said a wet pussy and a dry purse don’t match. I don’t know who said it but they damn sure were right. Now, this could possibly sound like prostitution, but let’s be real. Dating is subtle prostitution. The real question is: what is the worth of your twat (and mouth if you’re giving that up too)? He’s coming through every other night after eleven with a blunt and a six-pack of natural ice, and you gladly give up the ass. Are you content with saying your vagina is only worth $4.99? You gave it up after sharing a 20pc. Mcnugget combo so that’s basically what you’re saying. We have got to do better. I’m not condoning these bourgeois, materialistic ass hoes. I’m not advising you to depend on any man for anything (male or female). But I damn sure ain’t telling you to give it up for a coke and a smile. Think about it. You spend money on something you value or really want. Men will go broke to buy those new Jordans. So if he isn’t willing to break you off a few bills to keep your power on, your pussy isn’t worth more than a pair of shoes. I know all my I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T. ladies are sucking their teeth, yelling “I don’t need no man to help me pay for anything.” It’s not about that. It’s about whether he would willingly give it up. Don’t be no fool, sweetie. Get Yeezy to reupholster your pussy and take notes. If you’re content with struggling financially while some man eats up the food in your house and leaves his semen in your belly button, then by all means do you. But hopefully, some women will reflect upon this and shed the dead weight in their lives.

Yours Truly,

DP